When Your Child "Loses It" Over Something Small

The other day, I was talking with a dad who looked absolutely exhausted. His son had a complete meltdown because his favorite cup was in the dishwasher. We're talking full-body screaming, tears streaming down his face, the whole nine yards.

"I don't get it," he said, rubbing his temples. "Why does he fall apart over the tiniest things? It's literally just a cup."

I sat with that for a moment before responding. "I know it feels small to you. But for him? It's not really about the cup at all."

This little boy had spent his early years bouncing between foster homes. His developing brain had learned that the world could be unpredictable and scary. Even now, surrounded by love and safety, his nervous system was still on high alert, constantly asking: Is everything okay? Will this change mess up my whole day? Am I really safe here?

Here's what I shared with him, an approach rooted in how our brains actually work:

Start with calming, not teaching.

When your child melts down over something that seems insignificant:

First, take a breath yourself. I know it's hard when you're running late and your kid is crying over a cup, but your calm energy actually helps their brain feel safer.

Then, connect with what they're feeling before you try to fix anything. Something like, "Oh wow, you're really upset. You wanted that blue cup so badly."

Once everyone's settled, you can explore what's really going on underneath. Maybe that cup represented routine in a day that felt chaotic. Maybe it was the one thing they were counting on staying the same.

This dad decided to try it the next week. Instead of his usual "Come on, it's just a cup, you need to stop crying," he sat down next to his son and put a gentle hand on his back. "You're so upset about your cup. You really wanted it, didn't you?"

His son melted into him, sobbing for a few minutes, then quietly asked if he could use a different cup instead.

Later, the dad texted me: "That meltdown was over in three minutes instead of dragging on for half an hour. I can't believe how different it was."

It wasn't magic, it was understanding how children's brains work. When kids feel truly seen and safe, their fight-or-flight response settles down, and the part of their brain that can think clearly and problem-solve comes back online.

Give it a try this week. The next time your child has what seems like an over-the-top reaction to something small, remind yourself: This isn't really about the cup. Take a breath, connect with their feelings first, then guide them through it.

You're not spoiling them by responding to their emotional needs. You're actually helping build a brain that feels secure enough to learn, grow, and trust the world around them.

Want posts like this in your email? Sign Up Here