How Sally Learned to Stop the Power Struggle Mid-Struggle

Sally stood in the hallway, arms crossed, staring down at her 8-year-old son, Caleb. It was bedtime. He wanted one more episode of his favorite show. Sally wanted lights out, teeth brushed, and peace restored. The more she insisted, the louder he protested. Within minutes, they were locked in the familiar tug-of-war: her voice firm, his feet planted on the carpet, neither willing to budge.

Sally felt that heat rising in her chest—that feeling every parent knows when the battle becomes about winning instead of teaching. Then she remembered something we talked about in our coaching session: power struggles can’t continue if one person steps out of the ring.

So she paused.

She took a deep breath, knelt down, and said, “You really want to stay up and watch. I get it. And I’m feeling frustrated because we both need rest. Let’s figure this out together.” Caleb blinked, the tension softened, and after a moment, he chose to turn off the TV himself—on the condition they’d watch the next episode tomorrow.

What Sally Did Differently

Sally didn’t “win” by forcing obedience. She shifted from me vs. you to us vs. the problem. Here’s what made the difference:

1. Pause before speaking

A few seconds of breathing gave Sally time to calm down so she could respond instead of react.

2. Name the emotion

She acknowledged Caleb’s feelings first. “You really want to stay up” told him she understood, even if she didn’t agree.

3. Offer a collaborative choice

Sally set the boundary, bedtime stayed the same, but gave Caleb input on when they’d finish the episode.

4. Reset the tone

By kneeling down and speaking calmly, Sally shifted the energy from conflict to connection.

The power struggle ended not because Sally out-argued her son, but because she chose connection over control. That’s how real change starts, one moment, one choice, one pause at a time.