I Just Want My Kid to Calm Down! — A Trauma-Informed Shift from ‘No’ to ‘Yes’

You’ve tried everything. The deep breaths. The sticker charts. The “calm down” corner that now feels more like a battlefield than a refuge. You’re watching your child spiral over what seems like nothing, and inside, you’re unraveling too. You want to be the safe, steady adult they need, but right now? You just want the yelling to stop.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of the parents I coach have said the same thing with tired eyes and heavy hearts. When kids come from hard places, their behavior can feel baffling and unpredictable. But what if we shifted our focus from control to connection? From correction to curiosity?

That’s where the concept of the “Yes Brain,” from The Yes Brain by Dr. Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Dan Siegel, can be a game-changer.

Parenting Tip: Invite a “Yes Brain” Instead of Reacting to a “No Brain”

The “Yes Brain” isn’t about always saying yes to your child. It’s about cultivating openness, curiosity, and regulation in both your child and yourself. When your child is melting down, their brain is likely in a reactive “No Brain” state—defensive, rigid, and overwhelmed. Responding with lectures or consequences in that moment rarely works. Why? Because their brain isn’t in a place to learn or listen.

Instead, try this:

Say this: “Your feelings are big right now, and I’m right here with you. We’ll figure it out together.”

Why it works: You’re helping your child feel safe and seen. That connection helps shift their brain from reactivity to receptivity. And over time, with consistent support, their ability to regulate strengthens.

One mom I worked with tried this with her 7-year-old daughter during a homework meltdown. Instead of demanding she “just sit down and focus,” she sat beside her, took a breath, and said, “It feels really hard right now, huh? I wonder what’s making it feel so big today.” Her daughter cried—but she stayed. And within minutes, the walls came down.

This approach isn’t magic, but it is powerful. It’s about showing up with a regulated presence, even when our kids are falling apart. The Yes Brain gives us the roadmap to help them grow, not just behave.

When you feel yourself getting pulled into your child’s chaos, ask: “Am I responding from a Yes Brain or a No Brain?” Then try to model what you want your child to build.

You’re not doing it wrong. This work is hard. But every time you show up with curiosity instead of control, you’re wiring your child’s brain for resilience.

Want more trauma-informed tips like this one? Visit www.campbellscc.com/subscribe-free for tools, courses, and support. You don’t have to do this alone.