Parenting Tip: Connection Calms the Brain

Hi there,

If you’re reading this, you probably care deeply about being a good parent. You want to show up well for your child, especially when their behaviors are big, baffling, or seemingly out of control.

And if you’re like most of the parents I work with, you’ve probably tried all the “right” things. The sticker charts. The timeouts. The counting to three. Maybe even yelling—followed by the guilt and late-night Googling.

Here’s a tip that can shift the entire atmosphere of your home:

Connection calms the brain.

That’s not just a feel-good saying. It’s neuroscience.

When a child is dysregulated—yelling, hitting, running away, or shutting down—the part of their brain responsible for logic, reason, and language is offline. Their lower brain is in survival mode, and the only way back to calm is through co-regulation.

This means: they need you to stay calm, connected, and regulated—even when they can’t.

That’s hard. Especially when the behavior is loud or feels disrespectful. But the truth is, most kids aren’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.

What does connection look like in those moments?

• Getting down to their eye level and using a soft voice

• Offering a hug or simply being present without speaking

• Saying, “You’re safe. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”

• Using their name gently and reminding them they’re loved—even in the middle of the storm

It doesn’t mean you ignore the behavior. But connection comes before correction. Once your child is regulated, you can circle back and talk through what happened.

This is especially important for kids who’ve experienced trauma or early adversity. Their nervous systems are wired to detect danger, and sometimes they see threat even when none exists. Your calm, connected presence literally reshapes their brain over time. You become their safe base.

Will you always get it right? Of course not. No parent does.

But you can repair. You can say, “I lost my cool. I’m sorry. I’m working on staying calm, too.” That’s powerful modeling. That’s healing in action.

So the next time your child spirals, try this:

Pause. Take a deep breath. Then focus on connection first.

You might be surprised how much that one shift can change everything.

You’ve got this.

With compassion,

Levi Campbell

Trauma-Informed Parent Coach, Campbell’s Consulting & Coaching