Parenting Tip: Use the IDEAL Response

When kids struggle with behavior, it can feel overwhelming in the moment. But how we respond matters just as much as what we say. One of the most practical tools in TBRI is the IDEAL Response—a simple way to stay grounded and help your child learn, not just react.

IDEAL stands for Immediate, Direct, Efficient, Action-based, and Leveled at the behavior. The goal is to correct behaviors in the moment, using a calm and connected tone, and to focus on teaching rather than punishing.

Let’s break that down:

• Immediate: Address the behavior right away so the connection between the action and the response is clear. Waiting too long can lead to confusion or missed learning opportunities.

• Direct: Speak simply and clearly. Avoid lectures or sarcasm.

• Efficient: Keep it short. The goal is to guide, not overwhelm.

• Action-based: Offer a chance to re-do the behavior correctly. For example, if a child grabs a toy, you might say, “Let’s try that again with kind hands.”

• Leveled at the behavior: Correct the action, not the child’s character. Focus on what they did, not who they are.

When we respond in an IDEAL way, we’re building connection, teaching skills, and supporting regulation—all at once.

Try This at Home

If your child throws something in frustration, try saying, “Let’s stop and take a breath. Can you show me a safer way to get your feelings out?” Or, “Let’s try asking with your words instead of throwing.” Then, praise the re-do and keep the moment short and positive.

This approach may feel different from how most of us were raised, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to build trust while still setting boundaries.