When You’re Just So Tired: A Love Letter to the Exhausted Foster Parent

Some nights, you crawl into bed long after the rest of the house is asleep. You’re mentally rehearsing the day, replaying the meltdowns, the tense dinner table silence, and maybe even the moment you raised your voice louder than you meant to.

You’re not alone. I see you. And more importantly, you’re not doing it wrong.

Parenting a child who’s come from a hard place is not about perfection. It’s about presence. Robyn Gobbel reminds us that what these kids need most isn’t a flawless parent. They need a safe enough one. They need someone who keeps showing up.

But let’s be real: that’s easier said than done when you’re running on fumes.

Foster parenting brings a level of emotional exhaustion that often feels invisible to the outside world. It’s not just the daily logistics. It’s the layers of grief, trauma, red tape, caseworker calls, therapy appointments, and unanswered questions like: Am I even making a difference?

Here’s the truth Robyn’s work keeps circling back to: When our kids are dysregulated, what they need is our regulated presence. But how do we offer regulation when we’re the ones about to fall apart?

We have to give ourselves permission to be human.

You are not a robot. You are a person with limits. And honoring those limits.. naming them, respecting them.. isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.

Robyn talks about the importance of tending to our own Watchdog and Possum brains (those stress responses we all have) just like we do for our kids. If your internal watchdog is barking nonstop, or your possum brain has shut you down in survival mode, that’s a cue: You’re running low. Your nervous system is saying, I need care too.

So here’s your gentle nudge: You don’t need to power through alone. Reach out. Talk to someone who gets it. Take that walk. Eat something that isn’t from a drive-thru. Schedule the therapy appointment. Turn on the show you love without guilt. Laugh again, even if the house is a mess.

Let the “good enough” parent be enough today.

Because the truth is… when you keep showing up in tired, imperfect, connected ways, you are offering something far more powerful than perfection. You are offering your child a real, messy, healing relationship.

And that matters more than you know.

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