Parenting Tip: What to Say Instead – Using TBRI Scripts to Build Trust

Let’s be real… when our kids are melting down, refusing to listen, or pushing every limit, it’s easy to fall into old patterns: yelling, threatening consequences, or trying to control the moment. But TBRI reminds us that kids from hard places don’t need control. They need connection.

When we shift how we respond, not just what we do, but what we say, we help rewire the brain for safety, trust, and regulation. That’s why having a few “go-to” TBRI scripts ready can change everything in a heated moment.

Here are three powerful phrases you can start using right away:

1. “Let’s try that again, with respect.”

Why it works: It gives your child a chance to redo the behavior in a way that builds skills, not shame. You’re staying connected while still holding boundaries.

TBRI in action: This is part of the “correcting” principle in TBRI. We don’t ignore behaviors, but we respond with teaching, not punishment.

Example:

Child: “You’re not the boss of me!”

You: “Ouch. That didn’t feel respectful. Let’s try that again with respect.”

2. “Are you asking or telling?”

Why it works: It builds awareness of tone and communication style. This isn’t about nitpicking—it’s about helping your child use their words to get their needs met in a healthy way.

TBRI in action: This phrase empowers kids to pause and think, which activates their upstairs brain.

Example:

Child: “Give me my toy!”

You: “Whoa—are you asking or telling?”

Child: “Can I please have my toy back?”

You: “Thank you for asking kindly. Yes, you can.”

3. “You’re safe. I’m right here. We’ll get through this together.”

Why it works: When your child is dysregulated, words like these act like an emotional anchor. They speak to the nervous system before the logic kicks in.

TBRI in action: This is pure connection. In a meltdown, your child’s watchdog brain is looking for signs of safety—and this script provides it.

Example:

Child: (Screaming, hiding under table)

You: (Kneeling down calmly) “You’re safe. I’m not mad. I’m right here. We’ll get through this together.”

Parenting with scripts isn’t about being robotic. It’s about having connection-centered tools when your brain wants to do the opposite.

Try writing down a few of your favorite phrases and keeping them nearby—on the fridge, your phone, or even in your car. TBRI reminds us: behavior is communication, and our job is to meet it with connection first, correction second.

You’ve got this.